The Skit Library P

A Compendium of Skits from various sources.
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Painting the Walls

In the middle of the singing a person wearing two coats, holding a paint bucket, paint brush, and a step ladder pushes through the crowd. He excuses himself saying he is a painter and needs to do the next room. The leader asks him why he is dressed for winter. The painter replies that he was told to paint the room with two coats.

Pencil Salesman

A sales manager is trying to teach a dumb salesman how to sell. The manager tells the trainee to listen to him carefully and he will teach him how to sell. He gives him the following instructions:
1) Hold pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that. 2) Next people will ask how much they are so say, "Ten cents. Three for a quarter." 3) Then they will ask what color so you tell them yellow. 4) Now they will either buy them or they won't. If they don't buy say, "If you don't, someone else will."
The manager has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him on his own. What happens is that the trainee is left on his own and starts calling out pencils for sale when another person rushing by and the trainee doesn't notice him and they collide falling to the ground. They have the following dialogue:
1) The customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the trainee tells him ten cents, three for a quarter. 2) The customer getting mad asks the trainee who do you think I am, to which the trainee replies, "Yellow." 3) The customer really mad says, "Do you want someone to punch you in the nose." To which the trainee replies, "If you don't, someone else will."
At this point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and they leave the stage.

Pickpocket

"Freddy Fingers and Hands Harry" meet and embrace each other. They Tell where they've been in the last few years, and as they say good-bye, one says to the other, "on you may want this." He gives back his watch. This exchange of articles continues until one hands back the other person's pair of underwear. Variation: This can also be done as a contest with one of the finalists ending up with the underwear. The other finalist looks into his pants yelps and runs off.

Poison Spring

One by one the boys drag on stage crying for water. Each reaches a bucket with a ladle and takes a drink, splashing some water to show there is really water in it and dies. Ham up the dying as much as you want. More than ladle may be needed so that there is plenty of water to slosh around. The next to the last person starts to drink from the bucket, when the last person comes in sees all the dead bodies and yells for the other guy to drink from the bucket, that it is poison. The last person throws the bucket in the audience which really only contains rice or confetti; only the ladles had water.

Pie in the Face

This skit requires pie plates, shaving cream, towels, 3 plastic raincoats, or something similar (i.e. plastic bags). At least five people need to be involved. There is the narrator, the three members of the pie in the face team, and the person(s) who delivers the pies to the pie in the face team. This skit works best if everyone in the skit is serious, official, and ceremonious. Play up the ceremony and the official part of he skit.
The skit starts off with the narrator about the history of the grand art of pie throwing. He introduces the three members of the team who will receive the pie in the face. The team marches out and stands at attention.
As the narrator continues to talk a person comes out with three pies on a tray and hands them to the three members of the pie in the face team. The narrator describes the various pie in the face throws that have evolved thru the centuries. In every case the person in the middle receives the pie in the face. Examples of pie throws are the classic pie in the face, the pie on the top of the head, the double pie in the face, the pies on the side of the head, and the swing, miss and hit. You can have the person in the middle change places and still get a pie in the face. The last thing that happens is that the guy in the middle who was getting all the pies in the face gets the other two members of the pie in the face team.
During all this keep the members of the pie in the face team supplied with pies. This can go on as long as you would like. Another thing is wipe off the pie in the face team faces once in a while. Be original and creative with skit.

Plane Landing

Pilot and control tower voice are located on opposite sides of the stage area. A out of sight on the pilot's side makes engine noises. Another person starts the skit by saying, "I think that there is a plane overhead."
PILOT (yelling loudly): "Pilot to control tower - "I'm coming in. Give me landing instructions!" CONTROL TOWER (in loud monotone as if through a microphone): "Control tower to pilot - why are you yelling so loud!" PILOT: "Pilot to control tower, pilot to control tower-I haven't got a radio !"

Play Ball

The scene is set with an umpire, a catcher, a pitcher, first baseman, second baseman and third baseman. The players run out to their positions, start talking and acting like they're ready to play ball. The Umpire tells the players to play ball. Then the pitcher looks around with a worried expression and starts to cry. The catcher goes out to see what is matter and starts to cry as well. Follow the same routine with First, Second and Third Baseman. The Umpire finally asks in expiration what is the matter. The pitcher replies that they don't have a ball.

Pop Commercial

Have one fellow standing, holding an unopened pop bottle, the next holding a bottle opener (or stands ready to open the container, one hand as if holding the container and the other hand raised over it), the other two doing nothing. The first guy examines the bottle real close and passes it to third guy who guzzles it, pretend or for real, and passes the empty container to the last guy. This guy looks at the empty bottle or container with a sick look on his face and then burps as loudly as he can.

Potted Plant

A scout pretending to be a delivery boy comes wandering through the meeting with a potted plant which he says is for Mrs. Mergertroid. He comes back through the meeting several times each time saying, "Potted plant for Mrs. Mergetroid." Each time the potted plant gets bigger. The last time he comes in carrying a small tree. Finally the leader says there isn't any adults here, just kids. Delivery boy looks at the card and says. "Oh for heaven's sake. I've been reading it wrong, the plant is from Mrs. Mergetroid For ; Name of some one in the unit."

Presents for the Teacher

Kids bring in presents for their teacher on the first day of school. The teacher can tell what the child's parents does by the present he brings such as apples from parent's fruitstand, baker's child brings rolls, candymaker candy. The last person brings in a crudely wrapped package, with yellow liquid leaking out. The teacher tastes the liquid and states that his father must run a bottling factory. The child replies that no his dad is a dogcatcher and that it is a puppy in the package.

Prisoner

A prisoner is brought before a judge. The policeman says that he caught him red-handed. Judge asks if it is true and the prisoner says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner is asked if he has stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now & then". Judge, impatient now, asks where he stole these things and the prisoner replies here and there. Judge tells the policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he will get out of jail. Judge smugly says, "Oh, sooner or later."

Pickpockets

Two friends meet and ask each how they are doing. Each reveals that he has become a pickpocket and claims to be the best pickpocket ever. They agree to find out. They back up ten steps and walk toward each other, bumping into each other as they pass. The first person says: Well I guess this settles it, I am the best. Look at all the stuff I got (show these items) Here is you wallet, your watch, you pocket knife, and your comb. I still have all those things, so I guess I win." The other man says "I guess so, All I got was this! (he holds up a pair of underwear).

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